LOOK AT ME SEE FUCKING NOTHING PIGS ON A SKEWER ROASTING END TO END DEATH BY NAME DON'T YOU KNOW ME SEE THE ROPE A SELF INDUCED NOOSE IT'S ALL I AM ALL I CAN SEE DEATH BY NAME WATCH IT GO AWAY IN A SEWER PIPE I LAY MY PLANS IF I AM CAUGHT THEY MADE A MARTYR I BUILD MY ARMS UNTIL I AM GONE IT'S EASIER THAN YOU'D THINK SIXTEEN YEARS AND FUCKING NOTHING THEY WILL SEE WHAT TO MAKE OF ME DEATH BY NAME DON'T YOU KNOW ME DEATH BY NAME WATCH IT GO AWAY LAST MINUTE REGRETS IF I WAS BRAVE THEN DEATH WOULD BE MY NAME ON THE ROAD NO RETURN

I FUCKING HATE HOW I FEEL THIS HAS BROUGHT ME TO MY DEATH KNEEL I WANT TO RIP OUT MY HEART TAKE A GUN AND BLOW AWAY MY THOUGHTS DEEP INSIDE I DON'T MATTER SO I MAKE MY LIFE SADDER THERE IS NO LIGHT IN MY TUNNEL EVERY GOOD THING WILL BE NULL AMBITION ISN'T ALL I LACK YOUR BLOOD IS RED BUT MY VEINS ARE BLACK I WANT TO GOUGE OUT MY EYES SCREAM AND RIP OUT MY INSIDES I NEED TO BITE OFF MY TONGUE AND LET THE BLOOD FLOW TO MY LUNGS RETURN MY BODY TO THE GROUND I WILL GO WITHOUT A SOUND I'M SO COLD AND I'M SOBER

I WALK ALONE IN CROWDS JUST ANOTHER FACE, NOBODY AROUND I’M UNREMARKABLE IN EVERY WAY MY RIGID SCHEDULE OF NOTHING KEEPS ME BUSY MY LIFE IS AS BORING AS IT NORMAL I WALK UNKNOWN IN CROWDS BUT THEN AT NIGHT I DRIVE ALONE WITH MY HEADLIGHTS OFF LOOKING FOR ONCOMING TRAFFIC I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING, BUT I DO IT EVERY NIGHT I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR OR WHAT I WANT TO DO I JUST KNOW THAT I FEEL SOMETHING BUT THEN DURING THE DAY I AM ORDINARY I TALK TO PEOPLE AND THEY DON’T REMEMBER ME I FEEL LIKE I HAVEN’T LIVED IN YEARS EVERY DAY IT GETS WORSE BUT BIT BY BIT, BIT BY BIT MY IMAGINATION TAKES OVER ME AND THEN AT NIGHT I DRIVE ALONE AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE I AM GOING I DRIVE INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC WITH MY HEADLIGHTS OFF SCREAMING, I’M SCREAMING BLOOD IS RUSHING TO MY HEAD I WANT TO FUCKING DIE I WAKE UP IN THE HOSPITAL THEY TELL ME I WAS IN A CAR CRASH I BROKE BOTH OF MY LEGS AND I HAVE INTERNAL BLEEDING THEY SAY I WAS LUCKY BECAUSE THE OTHER CAR IN THE CRASH HAD FOUR PASSENGERS AND NONE OF THEM SURVIVED

DRILL MY BRAIN TAKE TAKE THESE THOUGHTS AWAY FROM ME END MY LIFE MAYBE THEN, I WILL SEE DRILL MY BRAIN KILL MY BRAIN

MOROSE AND MEAN UNFILTERED CIGARETTES GIVING ME CANCER DIRTY AND PERVERTED SEX WITHOUT FUCKING GRIME ON TOP OF GRIME SUCKING MY AIR ENTITLED AND BRAINWASHED NERVOUS AND PARANOID SHADOWS FOLLOW ME AND I CAN’T SEE FACES FRUSTRATED AND CASTRATED LIVING SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE I’M OUT OF MY MIND PAIN AND JEALOUSY NOBODY AROUND SHE’S DEAD IN THE GROUND THEY’RE SCANNING MY THOUGHTS WATCHING EVERY TWITCH OUT OF THE SHADOWS PAIN ON TOP OF PAIN GIVE ME CANCER NOBODY AROUND DISARMED AND SHOUTING NOBODY AROUND UNFILTERED AND UNFULFILLED NOBODY AROUND HURT AND HATED NOBODY AROUND NOISY AND NUMB NOBODY AROUND HARSH LIFE AND UNCERTAIN DEATH NOBODY AROUND NOBODY AROUND I’M DEAD IN THE GROUND

I DON’T KNOW WHY BUT I HEADED TO THE BEACH I GUESS THIS IS WHERE I FELT SAFE AS A CHILD I NEEDED SOMEPLACE TO FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING AND IT DIDN’T WORK THE WAVES CAME CRASHING IN AND MY THOUGHTS KEPT GOING TO HER WHY DIDN’T SHE WANT ME, WHY DIDN’T SHE LOVE ME? THE WIND WAS BLOWING TOWARDS ME AND I DECIDED TO TAKE ACTION I AM GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER SO I WENT BACK INTO TOWN AND CONFRONTED HER FOR THE SECOND TIME, SHE DENIED ME EVERYONE AROUND ME SAID I HAD IT COMING THAT I GET OBSESSED TOO EASILY THAT MAYBE I JUST NEED TO GO AWAY FROM HER I DECIDED THAT I AM GOING TO TAKE ACTION I NEED TO LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND SO I TRAVEL WITH NO DESTINATION IN MIND I FIND MYSELF IN THE DESERT I PLAN TO DIE OUT HERE STARVATION, THIRST, WHATEVER IT TAKES FOR DAYS I WALK, WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO COME OVER ME I DON’T SEE ANOTHER HUMAN FOR WEEKS THEN ONE NIGHT I COME ACROSS SOME TOURISTS THEY’RE SITTING AROUND A CAMPFIRE, ENJOYING LIFE I GO UP TO THEM, AND THEY HAND ME SOMETHING TO SMOKE I TAKE IT, AND SUDDENLY EVERYTHING BECAME COLORFUL EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE STARTED TO MAKE SENSE I BECAME FOCUSED AND I REGAINED MY ENERGY I DECIDED THAT I AM GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE AND AFTER FIVE DAYS OF NOT SLEEPING I HEAD, I HEAD I HEAD INTO A GUN SHOP I HEAD INTO A GUN SHOP AND BUY A SEMI-AUTOMATIC RIFLE I FELT POWER, REAL POWER SO THEN I HEAD I HEAD I HEAD I HEAD TO THE LOCAL TOWN, WITH MY SEMIAUTOMATIC RIFLE, AND I START SHOOTING, AND EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE MAKES SENSE, AND I FEEL FULFILLED, AND I FEEL POWER, REAL POWER, AND THEY’RE SCREAMING AND I’M SCREAMING AND OH GOD, THE BLOOD AND THE SCREAMING OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO I PANIC HOW THE FUCK COULD I DO THIS GUILT STRICKEN I RUN I RUN AS FAR AWAY AS I CAN I RUN AT NIGHT AND HIDE DURING THE DAY LIVING OFF MY ENVIRONMENT THEY’LL NEVER CATCH ME IN THE WILDERNESS BUT MY THOUGHTS DO IN THE WOODS, I FIND AN EMPTY CABIN I NEED TO BE ISOLATED FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD I NEED TO LIVE IN PAIN AND PUNISHMENT THIS IS WHERE I DECIDED I NEEDED TO END MY LIFE I NEED TO PAY FOR WHAT I’VE DONE I NEED TO PAY FOR WHAT I’VE DONE I NEED TO PAY FOR WHAT I’VE DONE I DECIDED I AM GOING TO TAKE ACTION AND I PUT THE GUN IN MY MOUTH, AND PULL THE TRIGGER, AND I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE THE END, THE END OF MY MISERABLE LIFE BUT IT WASN’T THEN I SAW MY OWN BODY I DIDN’T KNOW THIS IS WHAT DEATH WOULD BE LIKE I SEE MYSELF, I’M FLOATING ABOVE MY BODY, THEN I’M FLOATING ABOVE THE CABIN, AND I’M FLOATING ABOVE THE WOODS BEING PULLED IN SOME UNKNOWN DIRECTION FORCIBLY GUIDED WHERE AM I GOING WE GO TO THE HOUSE I GREW UP IN THAT’S WHERE I LEARNED I COULDN’T CONTROL MY LIFE THEN WE GO TO MY DAD’S HOUSE AFTER MY PARENT’S DIVORCE THAT’S WHERE I LEARNED HOW TO HATE THEN WE WENT TO MY HIGH SCHOOL THAT’S WHERE I LEARNED HOW TO BE ALONE THEN WE WENT TO HER APARTMENT THAT’S WHERE I LEARNED I WOULD NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING THEN I WENT TO MY CRIME SCENE WHAT THE FUCK EVEN HAPPENED THEN I WENT TO THE CABIN WHERE I DIED AND THE CYCLE BEGAN OVER AGAIN I SEE MYSELF, MY YOUNGER SELF IN ALL THESE PLACES ALL THESE MEMORIES COME FLOWING ALL AT ONCE IT’S NOT WHAT I WANT TO SEE AND DEEP INSIDE, I FEEL THIS REGRET DEEP INSIDE, I FEEL THIS REGRET EVERY PAINFUL MEMORY, EVERYTHING I EVER DID THAT HURT SOMEONE THEY COME OVER AND OVER AGAIN ALL AT ONCE, OVER AGAIN ALL AT ONCE, OVER AGAIN ALL AT ONCE, OVER AGAIN ALL AT ONCE, OVER AND OVER FOR ALL OF ETERNITY AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN NOTHING